How to Make the Most Out of Life

Something happened recently, which inspired me to write this blog. I sat on a train from London to Manchester when I overheard a man ring his wife and tell her he had three weeks to live...

A year ago, my uncle passed away. Until his death, I didn’t understand the impact that the death of a loved one can have on you. I was one of those people, like most, who believed that it only happened to others and death was nothing for me to worry about. The reality is, we’re all going to lose the ones we love and eventually lose ourselves.

Now I find myself thinking about life and death on a regular basis. Actually, I think about it all the time and it’s made me more determined than ever to make the most out of the time I have left.

That’s why I wanted to share the things I do to try and live life to the full. These are simple things, but in our busy lives, it’s easy to forget that we only get one go at this and before we know it, it’s gone.

1. Make time for your friends and loved ones.

Really obvious, but often neglected. Make sure you talk to your friends and the people you care about on a regular basis, even if it’s just a quick message to say hello. Try to meet up regularly and enrich your soul with the time you spend together. Make seeing your friends part of your routine and check in with yourself to make sure that they are not being neglected.

2. Don’t hold a grudge.

After my uncle died some of my family acted horrendously towards me and the anger I felt was poisoning me. It brought up memories of childhood that I’d kept buried, but I decided to forgive and prove to myself that I was strong enough to deal with this. Once I had rid my need to prove to them how they had hurt me, I felt better. Ultimately, it was destroying my mental state and not theirs. Don’t try to understand why people do these things. I tried this and it doesn’t work. I had to let it go. Now when I start to think about it, I put it out of my head and tell myself that I’d made the decision to forgive over cutting ties with them and I had to respect my own decision to that.

3. Make plans and get out more.

I was always a Make Plans and Never Stick to Them kind of girl, but now it’s about less talk and more action. If I find myself saying I’m going to do something repeatedly and then not actually doing it, I take action. Plan a day out, go for a walk, take that trip that you’ve been planning to take for the last year, get that tattoo you've been telling your friends about. Say yes to more things and no to less.

4. Look after yourself.

I’m not going to preach, but eating well and working out help to keep me healthy - mentally and physically. It’s important to find what works for you. I read somewhere recently, the one true friend you have for life is yourself so treat yourself like you would your best friend. Be kind to yourself, forgive yourself, don’t abuse yourself and seek to better yourself as a person every day.

5. Feel your feelings.

Life is meant to be felt - pain, anxiety, nerves, happiness, grief, anger. If life was easy and we were born with one default setting then what would be the point? Challenging yourself to feel these emotions and working through problems and tough times is what life is about. Don't be afraid to let yourself feel sad. We live in a world where there’s immense pressure to constantly be positive and happy so don’t beat yourself up about not feeling that way all the time. Also, don't be scared to talk to your friends about how you feel. I'm a bugger for not doing this, but I always feel so much better after I've spoken to somebody, especially when I feel down.

6. Be nice. Don’t be a dick. 

This one’s really easy. Making others feel bad is not a good way to live and will not bring you any happiness in the long run. We all have the capacity to be a dick now and again. Learn from your behaviour and move on. Put your ego to one side, don’t be pig-headed and learn to say sorry. A sincere apology can make a world of difference.

I’ve been meaning to write about this list for a while, but I didn’t really know where to start. Hearing the man on the train has put things into perspective and I wanted to share what works for me. I hope you find this useful too. 

I’m not perfect by any stretch of the imagination and there are days when I do the exact opposite of everything on this list - I bottle up my feelings and pretend I'm okay when I'm not, I can be horrible - but over the last year I’ve tried harder to make the most of what I have. These tips are simple, and keeping them at the forefront of your mind on a daily basis just requires you to stop for a second and focus.

Let’s make the most of this one life we have - laugh, say yes more often, look after your best friend - you - and most importantly, don’t be a dick.

Action Speaks Louder Than Thoughts

I was recently asked the question if I was a Feminist. My instinct was to think that it was a bit of a ridiculous question and that of course I was a Feminist. I was then asked what positive actions I took as a Feminist to address the issues that women faced every day and shamefully I did not have an answer to this question. In no way was the interviewer trying to catch me out - she wanted to highlight that lots of women believed that they were Feminists but lots of women were not active when it came to addressing inequalities in the world today that are based on gender.

It really got me thinking about what I could actually do. Action speaks louder than thoughts... I was the Feminist that was proud of being strong, independent, opinionated and forging my own way in the world and for me that was the limit of what I did, which in my opinion, is not enough. Often, it's so easy to make yourself think that you are doing so much good for a cause, that you stand for equality and women's rights because you believe in it but the truth is, I wasn't doing anything at all.

All over the world, horrendous atrocities are being committed and women are being persecuted for being born female. I've been aware of this, as well as the daily struggles women face in every day life but I did nothing about it. I know lots of people who are active but after talking to a few of my friends who also consider themselves to be Feminists, they too realised that they thought about how bad things were but never actually took action. There's so much that we can do to help and make a difference rather than making ourselves believe that by saying we're Feminists, that is enough.

I realised that getting involved is easy. There are hundreds of campaigns and charities to be involved with. Even writing about women's issues and highlighting the problems that we still face is getting involved. Anything that raises awareness of the inequality that still exists between men and women is good - tweeting, blogging, reading, setting up your own campaign, helping run fund raisers, volunteering at your local womens group. All of these help as there is a hell of a long way to go before such inequalities are eradicated.

Let's get involved and make a difference. Just saying we're Feminists is no longer an option...

Laila x

http://refuge.org.uk/

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/

http://www.womenforwomen.org.uk/

http://www.rosauk.org/

Singing and Tings

Last year, I was asked to take part in some workshops at The Warren in Hull as part of their Female Takeover Scheme, which involved instilling confidence and giving performance tips to young females, most of whom had never done any performing or singing before. It got me thinking about how I got into music and the tips I’ve picked up over the years performing in Sonic Boom Six. I came from a similar background to some of the girls – poor, working class and insecure - so I felt like I could connect with them straight off.

Background

I got into music at an early age as my uncle used to DJ when he was younger. I was pretty much a loner at school and I made up for it by being obsessed with certain bands and albums that I would listen on repeat as well as being fiercely aggressive to anyone that didn’t have the same taste in music as me. I was never encouraged to pursue music by my parents or my school and I never felt like it was something I was good at as I was often told by teachers that I was aiming too high when I would say that I wanted to be a singer.

My first taste of singing came when I joined the school choir. I’ll be honest, I had no interest in singing and I’d heard that it meant that you could get out of a few lessons a week so I suddenly became keen!

Surprisingly, I really enjoyed it and seemed to have a natural talent for harmonies and the choir teacher was a lovely, encouraging (albeit slightly pervy) man by the name of Mr Thorpe. He gave me my first solo when we were performing Les Miserables and it took a lot of convincing by him for me to do it but he didn’t give up on me. I remember being horrendously nervous and getting loads of hassle from the older girls (I was 13 years old), whose toes I’d stepped on by coming in and taking ‘their solo’ away from them. On the night of the performance, I don’t think it could have gone any worse. I was stood up waiting to sing on my own in front of a packed crowd consisting of teachers, parents and pupils (and fully aware of the daggers I was receiving from the older girls) and I felt that all eyes were on me. My mouth dried up, I forgot the words and I was awful. After it, a teacher named Miss Phillips felt the need to come up to me to tell me what a dire performance it was and that I should stick to ‘singing in a group.’ I was completely mortified, and to be honest, I’m surprised I pursued any kind of singing after that.

I know that I’ve never been a naturally gifted singer and I have an usual voice compared to ‘Female Vocal – Exhibit A’. I’ve only had one lesson and I do receive a hell of a lot of criticism about my voice. I am aware that I make lots of mistakes and I’m not technically sound but I really love singing. It gives me an escapism and outlet. I try to take on board some of the constructive criticism, as I would like to better myself and it’s difficult when even my own band think that lack of radio plays comes down to the way I sound. I’ve learnt to be grown up about it, whereas when I was younger, I would deal with things very differently. I had zero confidence at all so I would get drunk and shout, a lot! In my first band - I had no idea. I was a very angry kid so rehearsals would be difficult and I’d take everything personally. Everything felt like it was a personal attack that meant I wasn’t good enough rather than trying to take on constructive criticism - it’s a difficult feeling to shake and I can still be like that sometimes!

However, with all that said, there’s a craft that I have honed, practiced and become great at and that’s performing on stage. Not necessarily singing but handling myself and giving each performance 100%. We’ve played hundreds of gigs around the world and different gigs throw up different problems so I’ve written a list of tips that I’ve picked up and have helped me along the way. Some of the tips are obvious or little things but make such a difference when you’re on stage.

Some of my early mistakes were not concentrating and getting too drunk, which meant I ranted at, rather than addressed, the audience. My band actually nicknamed me Zippy! I constantly sang out of tune, something which I’ve got better at not doing but I’m not quite there yet. I never did any warm ups and had a very ‘fuck you’ attitude to my approach towards singing and the advice I would get from people that were trying to help me. A lack of confidence was replaced by aggression and anger.

TIPS

Sound

• Be prepared for your sound not to be good - 9 times out of 10 it will be very bad. To tune I try and memorise the pitch of the song by practicing at home to a recording – I find this helps.
• Sound people - your gig is in their hands. SO many times (especially male soundmen) have told me I need to sing louder, project myself and its bollocks. It’s their job to make you heard. We have a soundman now that has no problems with getting me heard over a loud rock band in any sized room.
• Saying that though NEVER be rude to a sound person. They will ruin your gig, if they are that way inclined. We were once late for a gig in Glasgow so the soundman was already in a mood. He was rude to me, I was rude back and he ruined the sound for me completely and in the end it was our gig that suffered.
• When sound checking / playing - it’s good to be realistic. Sometimes the sound is what it is and you have to suck it up and get on with it. There are only so many times you can ask for your vocal to be turned up before you start annoying yourself.
• If the sound is really bad on stage and interfering with your show then always finish the song you’re playing, ADDRESS THE AUDIENCE FIRST and then talk to the sound person. I always say ‘Hope you guys are having a good time… Hey Mr/Mrs Sound…..’ Again be realistic, you can’t keep talking to the sound person after each song, the audience are not interested in that AT ALL.
• Get some GOOD ear plugs! They’re worth their weight in gold. I have really sensitive ears so playing without ear plugs is never an option for me. I messed around with foam ones and Doc’s Proplugs for years but without a shadow of a doubt - my stage sound improved by a million times when I got some molded ACS ear plugs. Yes, they were expensive and I’ve already lost the first pair I bought 6 months ago but they’re the best. Unlike other ear plugs which stop the sound getting into your ears so you can only hear yourself in your head, these just turn everything down so you can still pitch and hear the music. I’ve gone for the PRO 20 filter cause of my sensitive ears.

On Stage

• Always listen back to gigs/performances - there’s so much you do that you won’t remember. It’s shocked me into addressing bad habits, the tone of my voice when talking to a crowd, etc. I still find it horrible listening back to myself and even worse watching performances back, especially when I’m talking lots but it has to be done.
• Watch YouTube videos of yourself - see what you look like and sound like to the crowd.
• Doing this made me realise I had a nervous twitch and I would touch my ear all the time - I dealt with this by wearing a cap and grabbing the peaks to deflect touching my ear. Now I wear a necklace but the same principle applies. Unless you watch live videos of yourself, you’ll have no idea that you do it!
• Be comfortable in what you’re wearing, there’s nothing worse than having to worry about something being too loose/tight and constantly messing with it - it gives off an air of nervousness.
• I’ve always believed that performance is everything - I’ve seen some of my favourite bands and walked away disappointed cause they stood there bored and just played the songs. If you move around a bit then others will move. If you look bored then how our people that have never seen you expect you to enjoy it. Even though my singing isn’t always spot on, when I’m on stage, I believe that what I’m doing is the best. It’s surprising how many people are even listening to the band. Most people listen with their eyes!
• Watch artists/performers that inspire you for tips - don’t copy them outright but try and make some of the moves/audience techniques yours. You should try to adapt them to make them your own. My favourite performers are Benji from Skindred, Gwen Stefani, Deborah Harry, Freddie Mercury and Axl Rose cause they’re mesmerising to watch. They move like they sound!

Audience

• Always engage the audience and make them feel special like you’re putting on the show especially for them. A good rule I have is to speak to people every 3 songs or so - I think speaking to them after every song is too much and it’s difficult to keep their focus. Playing live is so important now as music has become so disposable - you need to stand out from everyone else out there. There’s nothing worse than going to see a band that stand there, play the songs and don’t engage/interact with the audience, if I’m in the crowd, I’ll often feel cheated.
• At the same time, don’t rabbit on. When I’m nervous I chat rubbish, it’s always good to make little shorthand notes on your set list when you’re going to speak and what you’re going to say - e.g. when you’re going to introduce yourself, when you’re going to mention the merchandise/your next gig, etc. There’s nothing worse than a band thanking the band they’re playing with after every song. Sometimes nothing is better than that. You don’t have to talk a lot but do engage audience.
• I’m a natural born rabbiter and I find that chewing gum helps me to focus and not chat too much rubbish.
• When dealing with mistakes on stage, unless you/the band makes a HUGE mistake, 9 times out of 10 the audience won’t notice. If it’s a clanger and you have to stop and start again then make a joke of it. That always works.

Character

• I find on stage that I’m playing a character of myself and it’s important to never let that slip. Even when I stop for water/to talk to a band member, I try to stay focused and in ‘on-stage mode’ so that I never let that character slip. It doesn’t have to be anything too extreme - just try to be you but enhanced for on stage.
• Even though you should be comfortable in what you’re wearing and while you should enjoy the show, you should try and push yourself out of your comfort zone when performing . If the gig is going wrong, people are heckling you - try and make a joke of it. Everyone else will appreciate the humour - rather than seeing someone on stage having a strop cause things are going wrong. Even if it seems like everyone dislikes you/what you’re doing, the crowd will respect you. We played a festival in Berlin called Punk and Disorderly, which was a old-school punk festival. If you don’t know my band, we are not old-school punk or disorderly in the slightest and the crowd had beef with there being a girl on stage, so it wasn’t a great mix! As soon as Barney started rapping, we got heckled, bottles thrown at us and people trying to spit on us BUT we stood our ground, got our heads down and played well. I had several people coming up to me after the show saying we’d won them over or that they didn’t like the music but they respected us for going up there and ‘having some balls.’ 
• Another example is when we encountered a couple of hostile racists at a gig in Holland who were spitting and shouting at us throughout the show. In the end we made everyone give them the thumbs up - a sense of humour always helps - and they stormed off, leaving us to enjoy the rest of the gig. Certain people want attention, making a joke out of them makes you look way better than standing there swearing at them or letting them ruin your gig.
• Never look annoyed or pissed off, everyone is watching your every move on stage. Sometimes you have to grin and bear it and then let rip once you’ve finished - away from any of the crowd!
• Meeting people at the end of a performance is key - in the 10 years I’ve been in bands, I’ve always said to the crowd - when we finish I will be at the merchandise/side of stage so come and say hello. Even if someone hated you, sometimes making yourself approachable helps. If they’re not instantly won over by the music/performance they might at least respect what you do. Numerous times, people have met me and said how nice I am, as they expected me not to be. (I have no idea why!)

Pre-Gig

• It’s human nature to be nervous, it took me a long time to get to grips with that. I used to have a couple of drinks before I played to ‘ease the nerves’ but I’d never know when to stop! Now I look back at performances and I’m really drunk in some of them - singing badly and chatting absolute nonsense! I find that it’s best to use that nervous tension and apply it to the show to enhance your performance. Once you do a show without drinking any alcohol, you’ll know you can do it.
• Always warm up - it gets you mentally and physically prepared. It took me a long time to not feel weird standing there with my headphones in doing ‘la la las’ but then it clicked, if I warmed up I had a better gig - end of. If I look like a tit then so be it, it’s worth it. I swear by Melissa Cross’ ‘The Zen of Screaming’ Vocal Warm Up CD. To be honest, her DVD is great too if you want to get to grips with the basics of singing. Check her out here. 

LAST TIP

You’re the one up there and you only get one chance at that moment in time so give it your all and show people what you can do. Do it well and enjoy it!

I know some of these shouldn’t even be classed as tips because they’re so obvious and all bands and performers are different but all of these have helped me in the past and still do today.

I’m off to a singing lesson now. Some might say it’s 10 years too late but it’s NEVER too late to start!

Thanks to Mark Latham Photography

7 Days

Normally when it comes to watching films, Barney Boom will pick one - I’ll have no clue what it’s about and so it’s a surprise every time. I’m lucky as Barney is quite the film fanatic so there are lots of great films I wouldn't have necessarily heard of that I've watched because of him.Saturday night was no different. I’m a big horror fan so Barney picked the French Torture film ‘7 Days’ and neither of us had watched it before. This time I didn't even look at the cover to see what I was letting myself in for...

There are certain films that are so powerful and disturbing that they will stay with you for days. The last films that stayed with me in this way were ‘Martyrs’, ‘The Woman’ and ‘Precious’ - I had no idea that 7 Days would do the same. After I had watched it, even 2 sleeping pills could not dislodge what I had watched out of my head.

The film starts off with a rich family – wife/mother, husband/father and daughter. I think the daughter is around 8 years old. The husband is a surgeon and the wife works too. The first few minutes show the happy family together and the daughter going off to school after lunch. In the evening, the couple realise that the daughter didn't go back to school that afternoon and so a missing person’s hunt begins. This part of the film felt like it lasted about 5 minutes, it gets started very quickly. The next thing you see is the father going to meet the police in some grassland. There are 2 scenes in the film that still upset me when I think about them and this was the first one. The 8 year old daughter has been bound, raped and murdered. In most films this is well and truly left to the viewer’s imagination – not in 7 Days. We are shown the daughter’s body, lying there – bloodied and bloated and the camera pans onto her body in pretty graphic detail. I have never seen anything like this before. I imagine that it is not far off from what the police must see in real life situations like this. The scene is brutal but heartbreaking as you watch the father fall apart, whilst cradling his dead daughter.

The paedophile responsible for the child’s rape and murder is quickly arrested and there is conclusive proof that he is responsible for this as well as 3 other murders of children. Both the mother and father are inconsolable with grief and it becomes apparent that the mother is blaming the father. The father sets off on his mission to seek revenge on the man who took his daughter away from them. 

He arranges with some shady characters to gain access to the prison van that the paedophile will be transported from court to the prison in and cleverly kidnaps him. The plan is to hold this guy for 7 days... He is held in a chamber, tied to a hospital bed and now the father has free reign to so whatever he wants to the monster who took his daughter away from him. The father is a well respected surgeon who has access to drugs and surgical instruments. The torture scenes are quite graphic but there’s nothing I haven’t seen before and to be honest, the force of the film comes from the thought provoking situation – the man being tortured definitely raped and murdered his 8 year old daughter. What would you do in his situation if it was your daughter and you had her killer tied up? Does the father have the right to do what he’s doing? Do the actions of the father make him as bad as the paedophile? Instantly my reaction was – yes, the father should torture this guy and do whatever he needs to do. This guy deserves everything he gets. If that was to happen to my kid then I’d want to kill him, very slowly so that he could feel what my child went through but as the film goes on – you see the father is slowly falling apart and the revenge that he thought would bring him some kind of satisfaction is not enough. It’s not bringing his daughter back. This is an intelligent man who knows morally what he is doing is wrong.

**SPOILER ALERT. Do not read on if you do not want the plot or potential ending of the film to be revealed**

My only criticism of the story would be about a scene where the father kidnaps the mother of another victim, who was also killed. The kidnapping and torturing of the paedophile becomes national news and this mother speaks out and says the father should accept that his daughter has gone, he should deal with his grief and move on like she has and let the police deal with the criminal. After he kidnaps her, she makes him see that he’s becoming a monster himself by doing what he’s doing. I just felt that this part of the story – although necessary – was somewhat unbelievable. The whole story is portrayed so well that reality is suspended – the kidnapping and torturing don’t seem unrealistic at all cause the father’s pain is so real and it draws on the human emotions of anger and the need for revenge but this part of the film just didn't sit right with me. However, the next part of the film completely broke my heart. The father knows that this is it. The pain inflicted on the paedophile isn't bringing the father any peace - he is exhausted and completely broken. It’s Day 7 and it’s the day his daughter would have turned 9 years old. He imagines that she is there with him. She’s wearing the clothes she had on the day she was killed. They’re still blood soaked and dirty and she has marks all over her. He bathes her and wipes the dirt off and hugs her one last time and says goodbye. I don’t have kids but I could barely keep it together watching this scene and it got me thinking again – how does anyone deal with this situation? I’d been with my best friend’s daughter all day and the thought of her being taken away in such a horrific way was unbearable to think about, yet this film forced me to think about it...

If you haven’t seen 7 Days then I highly recommend it – Barney’s criticism was there was a complete lack of suspense throughout the film but to me, it didn't need suspense. The gore didn't matter, the ending didn't matter, whether the paedophile died didn't matter – it was the portrayal of the grief and pain that the father felt after losing his daughter in such a horrific way that had me hooked.

Blog About Grog

I decided to give up alcohol on the 24th of July 2012.

I get lots of people asking me why I did it and how I deal with it, especially as I am in a band and am surrounded by booze and drinkers all the time - so I thought I’d write about it.

I started drinking at a very early age. I think I first got drunk when I was 11 and steadily, alcohol became embedded in my weekend routine. I would get drunk every Friday, Saturday and Sunday without fail throughout my teenage years and when I started going on tour with Sonic Boom Six, I would pretty much drink every night. I never drank to block anything out or to numb myself from any pain or guilt I was feeling. I just drank to get really wasted cause I loved the feeling of it. I didn’t feel like I’d partied hard enough unless I was getting put to bed or blanking out. I think I saw it as a security blanket to do and say whatever I wanted. That way, I could blame my actions on the alcohol rather than blame it on myself. I really didn’t care about what I’d say or do cause that wasn’t me, that was drunk Laila.

Two drinks Khan

As the years went on, the routine of getting to a gig, having a couple of beers, playing the set and then getting leathered was becoming tiresome. And so began this ongoing mental battle with myself where I would say to everyone – “I’m not drinking tonight” or “I’m giving up booze for a week” or “I’m only gonna have two drinks” and then I would get drunk and go to bed angry with myself then wake up feeling really depressed cause I’d let myself down once again. I’ve lost a silly amount of days being hungover and not appreciating the great things that were going on in my life. Alcohol for me totally numbed everything. I remember one time when we did a gig at Asbury Lanes in New Jersey where it was another one of those times where I wasn’t going to drink as we had an early start the next day, which promised lots of sightseeing around New York before we flew back to Manchester. That night I got SO drunk, I don’t remember much after the gig. This meant I woke up in a foul mood, dragged my arse around New York and moaned the whole time. We were at the top of the Empire State Building and I just wanted to be in bed… and this was one of many occasions that this kind of thing happened.

Moaning in Manhattan

This became my ritual for about 3 years until I completely stopped drinking. Until then, I enjoyed getting drunk. The hangovers were bad but the enjoyment of drinking cancelled them out in a weird way. I would look to people for help and tell them to make sure I don’t drink too much or to not let me have a drink but that never worked, until I accepted that this was something I had to do for myself it just wasn’t going to happen. I’d often wake up feeling anxious, depressed and on edge. I love exercising and eating healthily but drinking meant I wouldn’t eat all day, get drunk, forget to eat and then binge on salty carbs when I woke up the next day to try to satisfy my raging appetite for all things bad. This happened 3 days out of 7.

At the start of 2012, I’d decided that enough was enough so I steadily decreased my drinking but often I would fall into the “I’ll just have one drink” trap and wake up feeling disgusting cause I’d managed to drink everything in sight! And then something just clicked. I didn’t tell anyone I was going to stop drinking, I didn’t make a big song and dance about it. I went out with my best friends, Maddy and Chewy, on the night of the 24th of July 2012 and I was doing well. I’d only had a couple of drinks all night but I was really aware of it and felt spiky like something wasn’t right all night. At the end of the night, Maddy brought out some Moon Shine that she’d brought back from Hungary and we all did a shot. I didn’t tell anyone then but I knew that was going to be the last drink I ever had. A couple of months ago, Maddy mentioned it to me and said how if she’d known that was gonna be my last ever drink then she would have made it more of a party!

It’s hard to describe how I did it, I think I’d just had enough of feeling crappy and having that constant feeling of fighting a losing battle with myself and the booze. I can’t give myself all the credit though, I had a look on Amazon for books that might help me and I came across Allen Carr’s Easy Way to Control Alcohol. The book didn’t tell me anything that I didn’t know already but it made me more determined to stop. There were a few things that I didn’t agree with but a lot of what he was saying really hit home. It’s definitely worth a read if alcohol is having a negative impact on your life like it was on mine and you want to give it up for good.

The first few months were difficult. It took me a good 5 months to discover the real me, my personality and what I’m like without the booze. Often people ask me if it’s weird being out with loads of drunken people and if they piss me off. At first it was hard, it was horrible and I remember once going in a mood cause I hated being out so much and Nick Horne turned to me and said, “But you decided to stop drinking.” He said it in such an honest way, it really hit home and I realised that it was me that decided to stop drinking. I’ve changed what I do, so why should the people I surround myself with do the same when they don’t want to? Since then, I often remind myself of what he said when people are being drunk or obnoxious. Also, if a night out is rubbish, then I cut my losses and go home. There’s no point in dwelling on whether a night would be better if I was drunk. I’ve had loads of shitty nights out, got drunk and they’ve got worse and ended up in arguments and fights. One last tip I use is to think about the next day, when people feel dreadful from the night before and I’m bright eyed and bushy tailed and that’s when the real fun starts!

I know lots of people that can have one or two drinks and have a great time but I will never be that kind of person. One drink was never enough. However, all of the people that I know that can do this have woken up at some point cause they’ve overdone it and vowed to “never do it again…” I got to the point with booze where it just stopped working for me in my life, it was making me sick and miserable and I knew I had to stop. Believe me, I was no Oliver Reed, and towards the end, I probably drank as much as your average person drinks – a few drinks on a Friday, Saturday and Sunday but I could never judge where the line of excess was and often went past it and then felt guilty/ashamed/disappointed in myself and then I’d do it again and again and again.

A lot of the times I’d try and fail to give up the booze - it came down to a fear of becoming boring or more importantly to me at the time (which is ridiculous) a fear of people thinking that I’d become boring but after the initial couple of months of not drinking, my friends saw how much happier I was and how much I needed to do it for myself. I discovered there are certain people who drink and have a real problem with non-drinkers, as if they’re being judged by the person who has chosen not to drink. I found it similar to certain meat eaters who are mortally offended by vegetarians. I’ve come across a handful of people like this, where the constant piss taking and even aggressive behaviour towards my sobriety has been too much to handle. The best solution I found for this was to cut them people out and not have them impacting my life in a negative way.

For me, ditching the booze has been the best thing I’ve ever done. As cheesy as it sounds, I feel completely alive. I have the best nights out where I actually feel the whole night and what’s going on around me. I think in the past I mistook a lot of the nervous energy I have within myself as a sign to get drunk and to quell that feeling but once I accepted that’s just the way I am, it got easier. Even now when I go out, I get tense and anxious and for the first hour I find it hard to relax but once that hour has passed, that feeling also passes... without the aid of anything to drink! My judgement is better, I sleep better, I look and feel so much better, I’m happy, I’m so much more productive and my brain feels like it’s been rejuvenated. The thought of never having to wake up in that haze, with my head banging, my eyes stinging and feeling sick to my stomach, makes me smile from ear to ear.

Laila x

Happy, healthy close up!

Boomtown Fair 2013 - The UK's Maddest City!

If there is a heaven and you want to go to the part of it where you truly get to let your hair down and party like it's 1999, then Boomtown is that place.

One weekend a year, a huge field near Winchester is converted into a bonkers town where anything goes. Fancy dress is definitely the order and this year didn't disappoint. We saw mermaids, Winnie the Pooh and even people dressed as Lego!

There's not a whiff of corporate-ness, Main Stage, headline-acts nonsense or lineups that read like the who's who of 'cool' bands to see. The collection of bands that play seem like they're there to provide a backdrop for this crazy town. There's so much more to this festival than just the bands that play.

We actually played the second ever Boomtown a few years back and the festival has come such a long way since then. It's grown massively yet managed to keep the vibe that it had back then and it's so great to see, in times when most festivals are finding it hard to compete with your Reading / Leeds / V Festivals, that Boomtown has gone from strength to strength and seems to be getting bigger and crazier. It's a brilliant festival, especially cause the sun was shining but it's when the sun sets that Boomtown really comes to life.

Me, Barney and Nick went down to play with Suicide Bid this year on the Devil's Kick stage at 10pm and I honestly had no idea what to expect but I knew we'd feel right at home sharing the stage with bands like Leftover Crack, The Restarts and The Creepshow. The reception that we got was mental for a band that are lucky to get together once a year to play a gig. We were not worthy and the crowd went mad for us! A personal highlight for me was getting the crowd involved in a mass batty wind!

After our set, and a dose of something slightly mind altering (it'd be rude not to!), we went for a wander around the town at night. THIS is what I'd been waiting to see. The atmosphere was electric, there were sound systems everywhere blasting out Ragga, Jungle, George Michael (!) We saw fire breathing mechanical dragons, people sword fighting with electricity. We went to a secret bar where we had to knock on the door of a phone box and tell the guy how we knew Charlie Brown! Once he was satisfied with the answer, off we went through this telephone box door into a basement of a club. We danced a bit, got a bit hot and moved on to see the main attraction where most people had flocked to as soon as the sun had gone down...

Without a doubt, one of the best things I've ever seen in my life is this huge metal spider, which goes by the name of Arcadia. If you've seen it before then you will know exactly what I mean! He resides slap bang in the middle of the festival and can be seen for miles around. This metal monstrosity / God is like nothing else. In the middle of it, sit a couple of DJs that know exactly what tunes will get the crowd (who are completely mesemerised by this thing) going. I could have stayed there all night just staring at this huge, metal, moving, glowing, fire emitting spider and been completely content.

I'd like to say a massive thank you to everyone that came out and showed their support for Suicide Bid on Saturday night. We all had such a great night and there's talks underway of taking the Suicide Bid Collective on the road in the next few months and maybe even heading out to Germany for a few dates. The new album will be finished soon too.

Finally, big up to all the Boomtown crew. The love and passion that goes into making something that isn't a run of the mill, money driven, branded festival is difficult enough, especially in the current financial climate but Boomtown have not only done it again but they've managed to top what they do, year after year.

Laila x